Insert Verb Here Episode 1 Transcription

Updated: Nov 17, 2020

A transcription of the first episode on our podcast "Insert Verb Here" titled "Welcome to Insert Verb Here! Our first podcast!" Read along while you listen to the episode

Jordan: Do you ever think to yourself? I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

Haley: Well, we don't either, but we've learned some things along the way that have gotten us a little bit closer to being functioning adults,

Jordan: Or at least we've learned to fake it well enough.

Haley: Welcome to Insert Verb Here, your friendly neighborhood advice podcast by two girls who are just as clueless as you are.

Jordan: I'm Jordan.

Haley: And I'm Haley.

Both: And we are Verb.

Jordan: This is it.

Haley: This is it. This is it. Okay. You ready?

Jordan: Nope. Lets go.

Haley: How are we going to start this?

Jordan: It's our first podcast!

Haley: Like, our first podcast, like episode one, of our podcast.

Jordan: The real deal.

Haley: This is crazy!

Jordan: How are you feeling?

Haley: I cannot believe it at all. Like it's actually - we finally did it.

Jordan: It's really surreal.

Haley: Really surreal. Like thinking about it, like people are gonna listen to this. Like people are listening to this right now. That's wild. Like that's absolutely crazy.

Jordan: Well, I hope those listening are doing well.

Haley: Yes, I hope you're doing well! It's kind of crazy out there in the world.

Jordan: Crazy world. 2020 is a dumpster fire.

Haley: Just with - I don't even want to talk about everything that happened. Like everything about 2020 is just completely against us right now.

Jordan: So we're here to bring joy into your life. ... Try to...

Haley: Yeah, and positivity. ...At Least attempt.

Jordan: And if we don't, you have a nice little escape for a little bit. At least.

Haley: Or maybe we can just give you some good, friendly advice.

Jordan: Good vibes. Good vibes.

Haley: We love the vibes. I feel like that's the cringiest thing I've ever seen said...

Jordan: "We Love the viibbess"

Haley: Gross. I hate myself. [laughs]

Jordan: So our goal with, should we put that in here? Our goal and intention with this podcast is to take your questions and concerns and anything you kind of want to talk about or hear us talk about, any advice and bring it to light and just put our take on it. And what we kind of feel about the situation. Doesn't mean that's what you should do.

Haley: Absolutely not.

Jordan: You shouldn't have to take what we say as law, but just kind of our view on it.

Haley: We all have different experiences and we all have different point of views coming on the same question. So it's just like, we just want to give you our advice and our kind of perspective on it. Just maybe if you a new opinion or a new, like something, a new perspective you've never seen before, you know?

Jordan: All right, Mrs. Haley. So what is our first topic we're gonna talk about today?

Haley: So I guess the first thing I wanted to talk about today was what would you do if you knew you could never fail?

Jordan: Good question.

Haley: Right.

Jordan: My first thing is I would do, I would do anything. Like I would try to fix the homeless problem. Like I would -

Haley: I like, I love how you go to like homeless. And I go, I went, I would go to the Olympics [laughs]. We're on such, like, opposite ends.

Jordan: I was like, I would go like help the food shortage or water shortage. And then after that, I, then I would be like, try to do like my personal dreams of like... Swimming across the world or whatever.

Haley: Yeah. And I went like, the first thing I thought was I'm going to be an Olympic figure skater, like all of my spinning out. F***In I Tonya. And it's the only -

Jordan: I never watched that movie.

Haley: I didn't either. [laughs]

Jordan: Back in the day, Michelle Kwan was my idol. I loved her. Yeah. I did figure skating for like all of three months, when I was like, five.

Haley: I've only gone ice skating once in my entire life.

Jordan: Oh really?

Haley: Only once.

Jordan: Oh, well then we really have to work on making this dream -

Haley: A reality.

Jordan: Yeah.

Haley: Cause I mean, I don't even know if I can do it.

Jordan: Well, if you can't fail, then you can do it.

Haley: I can do it. That's it. It's not, it's the mindset that you can never fail. It's not like reality. We got so off topic..

Jordan: What is the harm of failing though?

Haley: I actually, I was thinking about that too. It's like, cause when I was thinking about this, I was like, you know, I would go to the Olympics. I would like start my own business and things like that. But would it feel satisfying when you actually get there? Because part of the satisfaction after you achieve your goal is overcoming the quote unquote failure and the obstacles. So if everything comes easily to you, do you feel that satisfaction afterwards?

Jordan: Oh, that's so interesting. I never thought of it that way.

Haley: Yeah. I know. I was like, from everything that I know and from what other people say, I feel like it wouldn't.

Jordan: Yeah.

Haley: You know? But, I mean also, I'm probably not the best person to ask because the way that I grew up... It was really easy for me and for my family to let me quit when things got hard. If I wasn't good at something, I would just like not do it. And I would only do the things that I'm good at. Now, I just, if I don't, if I'm not good at something, I literally just avoid it at all costs. Would I do more things if I couldn't fail? Or is this something that I need to overcome to feel the satisfaction of, like, I used to think I was so bad at this, but now I've overcome all that and I'm actually like... Good at it.

Jordan: Well in real life, in real life, you as Haley, sitting down right now, what is bad about failing?

Haley: I guess for me, I'm very hard on myself. Like I'm very, very - I'm my own worst critic. I'm so hard on myself. I put a lot of my personal value in my ability, in my ability to do things. So if I'm really good at everything I do, then I have, I have a lot of value and see a lot of value in myself. Whereas if I fail a lot, I feel like, "Oh, I'm not good enough. I'm not capable of doing anything. I'm a failure. I'm this, I'm that." And goes to a really negative place. Um don't know why that might be something to...

Jordan: Look at?

Haley: Go to therapy about. [laughs] I might need to go to a therapist on that one, but I just have such a fear of failure and fear of other people judging me for those failures. Um, and just -

Jordan: The judgment's not from, is it from yourself that "I suck. I suck" at this or is it other people are gonna think I suck. So therefore I do suck.

Haley: It's I suck. And then there's a secondary, if I think I suck than other people probably think I do too.

Jordan: Got it. Got it.

Haley: Um so it's on both ends, not just from me or outward. It's kind of, it's just, it's a little bit of both.

Jordan: Interesting.

Haley: Yeah. I guess the secondary ones probably cause I'm just a people pleaser and I just like people to be happy and I like people to like me and like, so that's probably where a lot of that comes from. Cause I don't want other people, like if people think I'm a failure, that means they think negati- negative about me... Negatively about me and they're... They don't like me or they have like these ideas in their minds of who I am that's not actually who I am. And so I guess that's why I kind of just in general, tend to avoid things I'm not good at because of my fear of failure. I don't know. What about you?

Jordan: I don't know. I kinda, I don't like not being good at things, but I'm, as I'm growing up and getting older, I'm learning to accept that it's a part of life and to learn and to grow, you have to fail. And as a kid I was, or when I was younger, I was much more like along the lines of you are like, Oh, I don't want to put myself out there to fail because I don't want people to know I can't do something. So I went to school for performing arts and the thing that got me to audition, cause I didn't want to audition. And I talked to my friend about how I wasn't going to go. And she said, "Why? The worst they could say is 'no'. If they say 'no', you move on." You know what? That's true. And that kinda changed my whole outlook on life. The worst anyone can say is no. And if that doesn't, that's not a personal attack towards you. And if it is a personal attack towards you, you might not want them in your life kind of, you know? And so they say 'no' you go, "Okay, thank you. I tried. That's the most I could do at that time. That's what I could offer." And if you're proud of it at the end of the day, great! You move on. So it's just kind of changing your mindset to do that. But, that being said, if I knowingly could do anything in the world and not fail, I think I would, I guess like quote the greater good kind of stuff. But I talked, my ex-boyfriend at one point and was like, what's what you think is good. Might not be good for other people. Not that I'm saying, like we shouldn't fix the lack of water problem. You know? He was like, well, if you do this and that causes this and that causes that. So it just, now I'm reluctant to say, this is what I want to do because it will have sub side effects that I wasn't -

Haley: But what if we say like, let's not focus on like human kind of focus.

Jordan: What would I personally do?

Haley: Well, I'm thinking if I would fix climate change because that's something that's very, that's a little easier to see the effects of like, this will help and this will not. Where as, like, if it's something more about other people and something that they're kind of going through. It is the question of, is this actually what's good for them? Is what I believe what's actually good for them? So like, I feel like if you went from that angle, like helping the greater good kinda stuff like that where it's not like, "I don't hope, I hope I don't screw everything up",

Jordan: But I guess personally, if I could do anything with my life, like not for like greater good of mankind or humankind, I want to go to space really bad. I want to be an astronaut or an actress. Dream

Haley: I don't. I do not know why. When you, when we first asked this question and you first started talking before you said like world hunger, poverty. I, in the first thing I thought my mind was, she's going to say she wants to go to space. [laughs] I don't know why. I don't know how I knew that.

Jordan: Yo, it's been such a dream!

Haley: But it's like, I was like, she's going to say she wants to go to space.

Jordan: Yeah. I 100%!

Haley: That was the first thing I thought of. I was like space.

Jordan: Astronaut and acting.. And moving to Hawaii.

Haley: You are going to be the first actress, acting astronaut. [laughs] So like when they film the next like Interstellar, we're actually in space.

Jordan: It's a vlog.

Haley: It's a vlog! That's our next, that's our youtube channel... Just a vlogging astronaut -

Jordan: Done... You heard it here first guys, the newest Verb YouTube channel is going to be vlogging from space by Jordan Merritt. Done

Haley: That's it.

Jordan: Thanks for joining in. [laughs] Just kidding

Haley: That's where we end.

Jordan: The thing about going into space though, is you're going to lose your friends.

Haley: Well, cause you're not gonna see them anymore. Cause you're in space.

Jordan: Right.

Haley: And like there's no, I don't think they have phones. Do they?

Jordan: Well, the space station... And that's how we get cell phone service?

Haley: I know. Yeah, but I don't think you can just like text your friend. [laughs]

Jordan: "Hey Guys is AT&T - is Sprint still up in space?"

Haley: Yeah.

Jordan: "You Got service out here?"

Haley: And it's like, I don't think, cause obviously they can communicate with like mission control, but I don't think you can just. They can probably FaceTime with their friends, with their family, like through the -

Jordan: They've done interviews of people in Space.

Haley: That's true.

Jordan: While they're in space.. [whispers] Unless its all a fake.

Haley: But that's probably, it's through mission control to it. But I don't think that they just have their phones. You can just text anyone. Cause they also are like on a job. It's not even if they're like off the job. They're still on the job.

Jordan: So, how do you deal with losing friends? When your in space? Or when you're still on Earth?

Haley: Just in general?

Jordan: Yeah. And like growing apart, I guess.

Haley: Everyone grows apart.

Jordan: One hundred percent.

Haley: And like that's the, I don't want to call you out for how old you are, Jordan. [laughs] But, I've been out of school for three years now.

Jordan: Oh, woowww...

Haley: And I've been out of college for two years now, I think? I think it's been two years now.

Jordan: If youve been outta high school for three. And you went straight from high school to college...

Haley: But then I only went to college for like a year and a half. And then I was like, this ain't for me. So I think it's been like a year and a half since I've been out of school. Fall 2018 would have been my last semester at school. And so like, the thing I've come to realize is, especially once you get out of high school and college is when you really start growing apart from a lot of friends. Cause like, and it's something that everyone kinda has to deal with. Cause like when you were in elementary, middle, high school, you were with these people every day for 12 years. And like people might've moved away. You might not have had the same classes with them, but because you're also surrounded by so many other people, you didn't always kind of notice that these people who are around you all the time, cause you have like your close friends, then you have your like school friends are just like one off.

Jordan: Yeah. That you hang out with, at school. I found, like, my biggest shift changes of friends were between middle school and high school, that switch like freshman year switch. And then high school into college. And then since college, I've pretty much kept the same core group of friends. There's been like a couple of rogue friends that have left and you know, but that's just a part of growing up and finding out who you are. And I think, gosh, being like every stage of life, I feel like I'm like, Oh, that's the hardest stage of life. That's the hardest stage of life. But your twenties, early twenties, because you go straight from high school. People saying, you need to figure your life out. You need to go to college, you need, then you go to college and it's the first, in most cases, first time on your own. And you know, you're trying to figure out who you are and you have all this pressure from everyone else saying, what do you want to do with your life? And then you get out of college, whether you finish or not. And then it's just more pressure. And then you're, you're constantly comparing yourself to other people, man. I just feel like you go through this whole growth and sometimes people will grow with you. And sometimes they don't and I feel like it's okay to lose friends. If you feel like you were moving towards the person you want to be.

Haley: Well, and then just like losing friends versus just generally growing apart or like. Cause I remember when I was in middle school, I had my best friend did everything together. We started a spy club together. That's like we had secret spy names for each other. It was like a whole thing.

Jordan: What was your spy name?

Haley: Umm.. baby boots. [laughs] It was terrible. She named it. There was like a ranking system and I was a baby since I just started, it became my email address for like eight years. I'm not even joking.

Jordan: All right guys, if you want to get in touch with Haley email babyboots...

Haley: Oh no, there's a number on there that I didn't say for that reason, so you won't even be able to figure it out. When we were best friends, we had every single class together. We did everything together for most of our sixth grade and like seventh grade year and then eighth grade happened and we didn't have any classes together. And we just like slowly started hanging out when we were at lunch or before. And so we just slowly started seeing each other less because we didn't have the opportunity to see each other every single day anymore. I remember feeling like really sad because she suddenly kind of just stopped hanging out with me. And she started hanging out with this other girl and I, and like, they were like saying, like they were each other's best friends and all that kind of stuff. And then little eighth grade me was, I was just, I got jealous! For years I was so upset and so jealous about it. And then like, obviously once I got older, like I got over it, it didn't bother me, but it was one of the things I was thinking back. And I was like, I remember how s**t I felt in that situation at the time. And then it took me literally, like while I was saying all this,

Jordan: You're having a live realization? Wow.

Haley: I'm having a live realization that it's like. At the time I was upset because I thought it was something about me or something about her or that she would like, she turned against me or like something I don't know, dramatic like that. But then like, as middle schoolers do, thinking about it now I'm like, we just didn't have the opportunity to, especially that's it's so hard when your kids too. Cause it's dependent.

Jordan: It's hard to accept people can. Cause when you're a kid, like you don't think growing if you're going to grow apart. So you think these friends, are your friends and It's so hard to accept that fact of life.

Haley: Well, you will never think that you're going to grow apart from people.

Jordan: No!

Haley: There were people who were in my wedding.

Jordan: Yeah.

Haley: I mean, it's been what?

Jordan: Almost a year.

Haley: Almost a year. It's been about roughly 10 months. And I'm not friends with them anymore. And not just like one like four.

Jordan: I remember in college, one of my friends said something along the lines of, "Well, I don't see what the big deal is. We're not going to be friends later." And we were like, best friends. It's not like we were just acquaintances, we were really best friends. And I was like, "What, what do you mean?" And she goes, "We're just in each other's lives for phases, and then we grow apart." And I remember at the time being, not, I guess, offended, but not offended on my behalf. Just offended on friendship as a whole. Cause I was like why are you planning the end of the friendship? But it -

Haley: Cause like she's right.

Jordan: She's right technic -

Haley: But, you don't know like, like I said, there were people who were in my life 10 months ago. In my wedding. Who I'm not friends with anymore. But, my mom and her best friend have been best friends since like middle school. And it's been, I don't know how long ago she was in high school, but like 25? 30 years? And they're still best friends.

Jordan: Yeah, and I think part of it is yes. When you, when you grow up, you're finding out who you are and I think you should grow. And there are some people who may not be in your life forever. But I think if someone really does mean a lot to you and they're not a toxic person to you and you can grow together. If you, if you're able to, I think carving out time to make sure that that person, that, that, that friend knows that they're still important to you.

Haley: Yeah. Cause that's what I was, I was thinking about earlier too. I was like, I was so upset when, you know, she had this other friend where, especially back when you're that young, it's hard because you don't really have cell phones. You don't really like, you're probably doing a lot of extracurriculars. Like obviously when you're older, there's other things that are busy, but it's easy. I feel like it's almost easier to carve out time for people even like, or just stay in touch with people. Cause like when you're young, you have to depend on your, your parents bringing you everywhere and driving you and just all that kind of stuff. Now, if you really want someone in your life, you can make that time.

Jordan: As an adult.

Haley: Yeah. It was like, I -

Jordan: Take that responsibility, the ownership of the friendship.

Haley: The ownership, yeah. And like I have a friend who I love to death and, but we are on completely different paths. And like she is traveling the world, doing musical theater. She's thinking about like moving to New York and moving to London eventually. And so like, we're just like completely opposite sides of the world literally. But then we still make time to, even if we're busy, like every week we will make time like every two or three weeks to call each other and catch up and talk about everything for a couple hours.

Jordan: Yeah, my my roommate. Uh from school, her name's Kathryn, she lives in Canada. I'd say about once every two weeks we FaceTime and, but we text almost every day, even if it's just like one message and then the next person will get back the next day. Like, it's not like we're in constant contact, but we talk almost every day. Like our last conversation last on last Friday we talked from eight o'clock until one in the morning.

Haley: Wow.

Jordan: Just on FaceTime. So it is important that if you do care about a friendship and it is mutual. Cause sometimes people you're the one who's left behind, which is really hard when the other person's like I'm growing. And unfortunately I'm growing... Past you?

Haley: Past. I feel that a lot, like personally, I guess I really fall into that state of like feeling like people leave me and feeling like they're kind of not like, not even just outgrown me, but just, they don't like, they don't need what I can give them. They kind of just move on without really saying anything or like a -

Jordan: Closure?

Haley: Like closure, I guess. And so I always feel really lonely and like, that's something that I struggle with a lot. So actually that's like, that's a really good question. How do you deal with feeling lonely and feeling loneliness?

Jordan: Actually, I want to get your take on this because I love being alone. I am such an independent loner. Like I love my friends. I love my friends. I love hanging out with them, but I, especially now that I live by myself, it is so... I love, I don't like being lonely, but I love being alone. I love being able to watch what I want to watch on TV. I love being able to cook what food I want. I love being able to take my dog on a walk when he, like, when either of us want to go, like, I love being able to do my own thing when I want. I've lived on my own, like without a roommate or anything for about two months now. And I think I've only felt genuine loneliness once, and that's in the middle of quarantine.

Haley: Really?

Jordan: Yeah. And it was like the first Monday of moving in when I was like the first time by myself in the middle of quarantine. And that was like, I just sat on the couch for like six hours and just stared out the window. And that was like the really, the only time I felt lonely, I, I don't, I think I enjoy my alone time too much to the point where it's a problem.

Haley: See, I feel lonely like every other day.